SCOTTSDALE, AZ – The HODL Times investigative team arrived on scene today where local area crypto trader, Todd Campbell, was found in a fit of blind rage attempting to uproot and vandalize a Wells Fargo ATM machine. Witness reports claim that Campbell was attempting to withdraw cash to pay rent at the hotel he’s been staying at since losing all of his money investing in various ICOs, and became subsequently enraged when the machine prompted him to agree to the $2 processing fee.
“I can’t even believe this shit right now” Campbell scowled, snarling at the damaged ATM machine. “I know I sort of have that ‘boy who cried wolf’ dynamic because of my tendency to immediately call anything I don’t like or understand a scam, but this time I’m not exaggerating. This bank is both scamming and stealing from me by asking my consent to be charged two dollars. It doesn’t sounds like a lot, but I could buy like 6 XRP with that – maybe more like 3 XRP after the transaction fees, but still. And with analysts predicting that XRP will be worth $100 each in the next 5 years, do you really think I’m just going to fork over $300 to these scammers? Sorry pal, but I didn’t get where I am today by giving my money away” he said, patting his pockets to make sure he didn’t lose the key card to his hotel room.
When questioned about the irony between taking no issue with paying crypto-related fees but condemning bank fees, Campbell loudly scoffed and attempted to convince himself that two things aren’t the same.
“News flash, Bernie Sanders – not everything in life can be free”, he asserted, visibly proud of his flimsy political parallel. “Obviously there’s going to be some fees involved. You have your network transaction fees, withdrawal fees, transfer fees – hell I’m pretty sure that one time Kraken charged me a fee just to sign in. But in this case it’s totally different thank bank fees because these fees are probably going to another woke , libertarian cypherpunk like myself, not some greedy corporate hotshot.”
Jeremy Rhoden, Campbell’s longtime best friend, expressed that he too was surprised by Campbell’s lack of concern for his devastating financial loss.
“He put his entire life savings into a mixed bag portfolio of what he kept calling ‘mooncoins'” Rhoden told us. “The market took a nosedive about a month afterward, and on the outside Todd doesn’t appear to be even remotely concerned. He just keeps telling me that he’s ‘in it for the technology’ and reassuring me that his recently adopted drinking problem and night terrors are completely unrelated.”
In an effort to help Mr. Campbell circumvent the ATM fee and avoid jail time for vandalizing an ATM machine, we suggested that that he simply pay with his debit card.
“Hold the hell on a minute”, Campbell exclaimed, a light clearly switching on in his head. “If you’re telling me that I can already buy things instantly with no fee, then what the fuck is the point in using crypto?”