TUSCON, AZ – With countless events & actions actively undermining the crypto space’s legitimacy, there’s almost none more harmful than grown men unironically investing in cryptocurrencies inspired by a dog meme from 2013. In pursuit of answers, a bold new study conducted by researchers at University of Arizona has […]
CHARLESTON, SC – The holiday season is a time of year that most associate with food, family, and comfort. For others, it’s the time when they must confront relatives they gave comically bad, unsolicited investing advice to the year before. Tyler Sterling is one such person finding himself […]
LEXINGTON, KY – Financial crises tend to strike when you least expect them; a cliché that self anointed ‘OG crypto veteran’ Skyler Larson, knows all too well after having lost what he describes as ‘a considerable chunk of change’ in a one of the latest cases of DeFi […]
VIRGINIA BEACH, VI – Local area man, Timothy Barnes, has been making waves in the community on the shoulders of a single, misguided idea; that the primary use case of NFTs is anything more than JPEGs of monkeys in designer clothes and tetradic color palettes. The HODL Times […]
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – In a surprising turn of events, wunderkind and Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin has announced in a recent tweet the general availability of his new bodybuilding program, Proof Of Steak. This out of character decision has left the Ethereum community perplexed, demanding an explanation for the […]
SAINT PAUL, MN – Even the most passive lurkers of fintech spheres are likely to have encountered this behavior online in recent years; hoards of ostensibly low-functioning teenagers with Wolf of Wall Street-inspired avatars/profile pictures unloading emojis and poor financial advice in every corner of the web. Our […]
STANFORD, CA – Contentious cryptocurrency, Terra Luna, is making rounds in the media again – but this time on the shoulders of a groundbreaking new study. Published in various science journals across the country, the study in question has revealed that given the opportunity, an astounding 100% of […]
In an unanticipated turn of events, renown Reddit /r/bitcoin moderator Theymos has refactored the forum’s heavily disputed ‘no Altcoin discussion’ rule. New modifications to the rule now
SPOKANE, WA – Evident by a recent series of lengthy Craigslist job postings for blockchain developers to work on “the next Ethereum”, local man & self-described entrepreneur
FLORENCE, ITALY – Disgraced former owner of infamous cryptocurrency exchange Bitgrail, Francesco Firano has unveiled new details today regarding his “crypto-supergroup”, confirming it will be comprised of Jed McCaleb (Mt.Gox Co-Founder), Brock Pierce, (Tether Co-Founder), and Carlos Matos (Bitconnect Spokesman). Each confirmed member has had considerable trouble finding relevant […]
My dear friends, Did you really think that I wouldn’t have a contingency plan in the event I was wrong about a price prediction I made when I was high on mescaline? You fucking
BRISBANE, AUS – The community consensus surrounding Australian computer scientist, Dr. Craig Wright’s, claim to the renowned online pseudonym ‘Satoshi Nakamoto’ is one of substantial contention. This communal uncertainty is driven by a handful of key parallels between the two – the most prominent being Dr. Wright’s inability […]
It’s been a rough year for the average crypto investor. Things are looking bleak and you’re trying to stay positive – we get it. We also get that you may not be looking forward to having your partner ask you how your crypto portfolio is doing any time […]
SCOTTSDALE, AZ – The HODL Times investigative team arrived on scene today where local area crypto trader, Todd Campbell, was found in a fit of blind rage attempting to uproot and vandalize a Wells Fargo ATM machine. Witness reports claim that Campbell was attempting to withdraw cash to […]
TOKYO – An anonymous source has disclosed that Bitcoin Cash flag bearer, Roger Ver, has gone to seek psychiatric help following his inability to discern the meaning of the phrase “It’s not called Bcash”, and other similar variations. This is a common consequence of incessantly repeating a phrase […]
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