MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Self described “crypto tycoon” Carter Vir has found himself on the receiving end of an enormous financial loss, one among the thousands of new crypto investors that have fallen victim to taking financial advice from teenage YouTubers.

“I… I just don’t know what happened,” Vir choked out, blankly gazing at his Delta portfolio. “I did everything I was told to do. I bought into Bitconnect, Tron, Cardano, you know, all the greats. I even used all of their referral links and participated in the pump & dumps on their Telegram channels. God, this is so embarrassing – just last week I updated my LinkedIn bio to include a rocket ship emoji and changed by job title to “Crypto Expert | Blockchain Enthusiast”, plus some other super condescending verbiage.

We were able to get in touch with a friend of Vir’s that he had recently reached out to following his losses.

“It sucks, but honestly I feel like he had this coming.” said long-time friend Sarah Stewart. “His LinkedIn & Twitter bios actually say  ‘lmao I don’t know how y’all do that 9 – 5 shit’. What the hell is that? Carter literally works exactly 9-5 shifts as a waiter at his parent’s restaurant. He’s also been posting on Facebook, asking if anybody knows of any ‘sure things he can do from home’ that will make him 30k by the end of the year. I commented that we have an open position down at Lowe’s and he told me ‘lol good luck with that’.”

Vir commented on his researching methods and strategies going forward.

“No, I’m done, crypto is a fucking scam. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that the FIRST year of Donald Trump’s presidency, all these companies exit scam and coins drop in price? I do. I’ve been in the game since late ’17 and I’ve never seen anything like this. Also, nearly all of the money I spent was from my trust fund,” Vir continued. “And my parents are gonna be super pissed if they find out. If you guys want to donate to my Kickstarter, the link is in my bio.”

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash