To the Editor,

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a progressive guy. I listen to The Joe Rogan Experience and even have a soul patch – but I’m calling bullshit on this whole wage gap narrative.

Towards the end of last year, I was on top of the world; my portfolio sitting at a cool 50k, and even a few bucks in my bank account. Flash forward to now, and my portfolio has dipped over 60% while my “marginalized and broke” girlfriend’s stock investments have appreciated 15% in the same amount of time. To be honest, I think that kind of wealth is going to her head. She’s even been refusing to lend me beer money these days.

So… remind me again how exactly I make so much more money than she does?
That’s what I thought.

If you ask me, this wage gap nonsense is nothing more than a liberal ploy to destroy the potential gains of intelligent, risk taking investors like myself. If I wanted to make a steady, vanilla, boring 15% ROI a year, sure, I would have dropped some money in a stupid index fund or something. Fortunately for me I have bigger fish to fry, so I exclusively go for investments that give meteoric gains in a short period of time with little to no research or knowledge involved.

Case in point. On top of having less money than my girlfriend, I also happen to be so exhausted after work that I have literally no energy to clean the house. Meanwhile, she’s throwing down all this extra money on fancy cleaning supplies, compulsively cleaning the house, and YELLING at me to ‘help out more’. Way to destroy my confidence and wave your extra money in my face, babe.

So you tell me who works harder; the man who’s so tired after work that he drinks 6 IPAs and falls asleep in his computer chair, or the girl who has a suspicious amount energy after work to clean the house?

Photo by Aidan Bartos on Unsplash